


till this moment I never knew myself

by the_strangest_person



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Anne and Gilbert, Cute, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Kissing in the Rain, Love, Love Confessions, Shirbert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-02-01 04:11:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21371953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_strangest_person/pseuds/the_strangest_person
Summary: anne and gilbert get frustrated with the confusion between them, finding themselves face to face in the pouring rain.(SEASON THREE SPOILERS INCLUDED)
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe & Anne Shirley
Comments: 19
Kudos: 275





	till this moment I never knew myself

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first ever one shot about anne and gilbert! please leave your thoughts and let me know if you would like me to do anymore one shots or anything in particular if you like my writing!

They were on completely different ends of the spectrum, but with one small detail that kept their souls intertwined - they were thinking about each other.

The red-head was sleeping with a beautiful ache in her cheeks from smiling, her hopeful heart using the freedom of her dreams to picture the life that it truly wanted, a life complete with adventure and challenges with a certain intellectual by her side, a life that she would never dare to imagine when awake. However, there was a bitter reality within her heart that constantly reminded her of a beautiful soul, perhaps a kindred spirit that was lying in wait for the prince she had always dreamed of. But life was no fairy tale and Anne Shirley-Cuthbert was no princess.

Barely two acres away from Green Gables, another soul couldn't sleep. Gilbert couldn't stop his mind from trailing back to the way her skin practically glowed underneath the mystical light of the moon, the look in her eyes withholding all of the answers to the universe. He was looking at his own bed sheets, wondering what her flame-like locks would look like spilled across the pure white cotton, willing himself to remember the exact feeling of her hand within his. There was a part of him that was still unsure to why he was thinking of these things, but a small voice in the space behind his rib cage that was still filled with the warmth of her smile, convinced him that deep down - he knew why. They were steadily breathing to the same rhythm and he started to wonder if she was lying awake so that they were somehow still connected.

And in a way they were - he was thinking of her, but she was dreaming of him.

"Anne!"

Her braids almost hit him in the face as she span around.

"Gilbert?" she asked, voice strangely small.

"I was trying to catch up with you..." he breathed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly with an almost proud smirk, "...you're pretty fast, you know? I wanted us to walk to Green Gables together but you had left before I even said goodbye to Miss Stacey."

"You mean..." there was a softer edge to her voice, almost like hope, something that he had rarely heard before, "..._walk with me?"_

Gilbert raised his eyebrows, falling into a stead y pace beside her, tone as nonchalant as it always was. "Didn't Marilla invite us for dinner?"

_"Oh."_

Anne had never realized that one single syllable could be filled with so much. His words were so plain but the same ache returned deep within her gut, the ache that she felt the moment she locked eyes with a beautiful blonde with such light eyes - pretty eyes. As they started walking side by side in silence, she shook her head firmly, ushering those shameful thoughts out of her mind in an instant. She had no reason to long for him of course, no reason to feel such disappointment over a plain sentence coming from a friend. But she couldn't quieten that part of her that was still waiting for him to change his mind, to turn around and realize that perhaps they had been each other's destiny all along. Maybe she was waiting for the feeling of his hand in hers again, a warmth that she had never felt from the sun, lighting up every part of her chest so brightly that she had almost forgotten the words of those who promised that she would never be loved.

He watched her carefully, straightening his hat on top of his head of dark curls while he tried to decode her glum expression, "Is something wrong?"

"No."

Her blunt reply made his eyebrows furrow, something feeling wrong inside of his chest at her curt tone. A flustered feeling made its way across his body, his mind reeling as it tried to work out if he had imagined everything from the night before. _Did we really talk without arguing? Did I imagine her smiling back at me so fondly? Could I have gotten it all wrong? Why won't she ever just be honest with me?_

"I...uh, Marilla said you baked Mary's cake for after dinner" he spoke up politely, eyes imploring her to catch his gaze despite it stubbornly staying on the path in front of them.

"I wanted to give it another go."

He tried to ignore how her pace was quickening, almost as if she was trying to get away from him, instead slapping on a sly grin, "Without the liniment?"

Anne scoffed in reply.

"Anne..." he stopped her for a moment, hand clasping onto the curve of her elbow to hold her steady, "...What have I done now?"

"Nothing" she snapped, snatching her arm away from him.

He spoke through gritted teeth, "Then what's your excuse this time?"

Anne stopped still, _"This time?"_

"You have barely spoken to me all day, even when Miss Stacey asked us to swap our notes and essays to mark, you practically looked sick when I sat down next to you! _Last night..."_ he paused for a moment, voice going softer and almost wishful, "...last night was _different,_ we weren't arguing for once and I thought you agreed with me...that we make a good team. I want us to get along for once, Anne. I'm sick of picking fights and pretending that we don't work well together, because there are times where I-I...it just feels like whenever we make progress and stop bickering, you are vexed again. It feels like I'm always doing something wrong with you and one moment we take a step forward a-and the next...you tell me that you don't need me. I get it okay, you are independent and you trust me I don't want to belittle you in any way, I just..." he let out a forlorn sigh, looking up at her with a tiredness that she had never noticed before, _"...I hate us always taking two steps back."_

It took a moment before she spoke again, a shaky edge to her voice that had him taken aback, _"I-I do that?"_

His nostrils flared. "So be honest with me for once."

"That's your problem, Gilbert Blythe!" she argued, a hefty layer of venom underneath her words as she poked at his chest, "...you think that everything has to be about you, that you are always causing my problems! I-I didn't realize that apparently I treat you so terribly, it isn't something that I often think about! So don't think you're so important-"

"How could you not, I don't know... _take notice?"_ he bit back.

His body felt shaky all of a sudden, cold fists clenched by his sides, jaw tight as he looked at her with glaring eyes. There was a part of him that had felt so flustered, confused and hurt underneath it all. It was the same feeling that he got as soon as she mentioned Ruby's name after bringing the take notice board to his attention, the sinking feeling within his chest that he tried to ignore for so long. It was the bitterness that he could always taste on his tongue whenever she snapped at him, making snide comments about his choices and morals as if he never even cared at all. But he _did_ care, he cared for longer than she ever did and there was a part of him that had always felt so shoved aside. He was so certain of what she would say if he laid his feelings out on the table, deep down too scared to risk something that he feared would never work. He could clearly remember telling Bash that Winifred was _easy to be with,_ that she made things simple within his mind and he could almost feel at peace when surrounded with her presence. _Anne did not make things easy - she made everything complicated._ She pushed, challenging him every single day, leaving him with this cruel uncertainty of never knowing what was between them or if he had imagined it all along. And perhaps it made him even more angry that despite how she made everything so difficult, she was always the one that his thoughts circled back to.

"Who am I to take notice?" she sneered, tilting her head with eyes that were practically burning holes through his head, "...as a _classmate? A family friend?"_

Gilbert was left bewildered. "You're making no sense."

"No, that's you!" she cried out in frustration, hitting at his chest so that he stumbled back slightly, "_You're_ the one that never makes any sense! Who are you to look at me like that, to give me such eyes and to say such things when all...all you're really planning on doing is finding your Winifred! Who are you to say that I make things difficult when...I wanted to tell you everything, it was s-so...something that is _so hard_ _for me_...something that I would have laughed at a couple of years ago. You get into my head with your...your eyes and your smile...and your words and..._I can't stand it-"_

"A-Anne" he stuttered, but she continued on mercilessly.

_"Do you know how it felt?"_ her voice broke, barely a feeble whisper as she struggled to catch her breath, "...to see you with _her?_ I-I was so _ready _for it, for everything to work out and for me to stop running from whatever I have somehow felt since I met you. Maybe I was too late in realizing it and maybe I should have just been honest with you but I-I...I couldn't stop picturing you with her. _And the worst part is..._I-I can't even be angry with you for choosing her. Not just because she is beautiful and kind and perhaps even a kindred spirit...but because...she's not me. I have been told all of my life that I will never be loved and that I am freckled and have hair as red as carrots, that I am skinny and worthless trash and I-I...I can't be angry with you for not wanting me..." a delicate tear dropped out of her left eye, her head shaking ever so slightly as if she was arguing with herself, _"It's something that I should have expected from the beginning."_

Gilbert had no words.

"And now you have nothing to say..." she threw her hands up in the air, scoffing lightly as she then wrapped them around herself, _"...that's just perfect..."_

As he was about to open his mouth, he was stopped by the familiar sensation of a rather large raindrop landing on his cheekbone. They both looked up in sync, noticing how the once clear sky was now filled with gloomy clouds, perhaps symbolising the storm that had been brewing between them. Soon enough it was pouring all across the fields, a sound of frustration leaving Anne's lips as she span around, locating a large tree to run underneath. As soon as Gilbert quickly joined her, leaning against the oak tree with ragged breaths, cold eyes still locked onto hers - she groaned. _"Just...even better"_ she muttered angrily.

Underneath the large oak tree with the sound of raindrops surrounding them, it almost felt like they were sheltered in their own little world, everything going quiet for a moment. But Anne could still hear the blood rushing through her ears, cold and wet pale fists still clenched at the boy directly beside her.

"Anne..." his voice was weak, "...just-"

She shook her head, wiping her cheeks that were wet from both frustrated tears and the storm that had appeared out of nowhere, "...I'm going home."

"Anne!" he yelled through the rain, following her instantly as she ran out, "You shouldn't be out in the storm, you'll get sick! Just wait underneath-"

_"I don't want to wait anywhere with you!"_ she hissed.

"Anne-"

"Just run to Charlottetown or something-"

"Listen to me for-"

"I'm sure Winifred would love-"

_"I'm not courting Winifred!" _

At first she could barely hear him through the lapping of the heavy rain, eyes squinting through the gloom so that she could see him before her, stepping closer with every pant that she let out. "W-What?"

"I said..." he came close enough that she could count the eyelashes protecting his irises if she wanted to, so close that she had to hold herself back from rubbing a thumb along that splendid chin he had. "...I'm not courting Winnie. I-I never really was, I guess I just found her easy to be with."

Her eyes searched his, "And...t-that's what you want? _Someone who is easy to be with?"_

Gilbert's hand reached out, clasping hers and she felt like she had been set on fire in the middle of such a downpour. In that moment, she was back to being Elizabeth Bennett with her Mr Darcy - a man who would stand out in the pouring rain just to confess his true feelings for her. For a moment they just stared at each other, and a hope fluttered inside of Anne's chest that she had never dared to feel before. After all of these years of believing that nobody would ever look at her in that way, a boy with beautiful eyes and plump lips was looking at her in the way that she had always dreamed. As he brushed a wet curl out of her face that had escaped from her braids, she wondered if she had been too blind to notice that he had looked at her that way all along.

His voice was barely above a whisper, the silver-lining within the storm cloud that they were usually trapped in, _"I-I have recently discovered that I want someone very difficult."_

Anne could not remember ever hearing such beautiful words, and in that moment she almost forgot that they were in the middle of a field in the pouring rain, clothes and hair both soaked until all she could focus on were his eyes. Her vision was blurry through the gloomy storm but she caught the softness within them before she made the decision in her mind. All of her life she had read many novels about taking risks, about how the heroine of the story would take leaps into something terrifying and potentially dangerous. In all of her tragic life, she had never felt so scared standing in front of the person that held her heart, simply hoping that he would always take care of it. But she wanted to be the hero of her own story, and so _she took the leap._

When she pushed her lips onto his, there was a moment of stiffness as Gilbert stumbled back slightly, tightening an arm around her waist so that he didn't topple over. For a moment he could just feel the soft yet firm pressure of her plump lips on his, sweeter than any apple he had ever grown in his orchard, sending more tingles shooting down his spine than he had experienced in all of his life. When he finally cupped her cheeks and returned the kiss smoothly, letting one hand slide through her wild red hair - everything else turned to stardust. Her hair was tangled and soaking wet from the rain but he did not care, unable to feel the cold air around them when she was setting his soul on fire with her touch. After a moment, he felt her fingers lock around his wrist to pull his hands away from her face, and he pulled away with concerned eyes, worried that she would suddenly change her mind and run away again. But she shyly smiled at him, chewing nervously on her swollen lower lip as their fingertips linked together, squeezing his hands gently while he smiled. Gilbert couldn't help but kiss her again, pressing a gentle kiss on her lips, sighing contently at the gasp that left her lips at the feelings that she had locked away inside of herself for so long. His lips made their way to her cheeks, pecking all over her sweet freckles, hoping that she would understand how he would happily accept every single part of her.

There would always be moments of disagreement, eye rolls and spiteful words, complications and arguments about pointless things. With such a toxic combination, there was bound to be some explosive fireworks. But sometimes you could find the beauty within the danger, watching the expressive colors burst from every corner of their souls in a magnificent display. She had always thought of them as fire and ice, the sun and the moon, earth and mars - so _different_ yet somehow still the_ same_. As he pulled away and looked at her with a softness that had been there all along, they suddenly didn't seem so toxic. There was something in his touch, something that turned the raging fire within her to soft running water, a waterfall that he would eagerly splash around in, wanting to know every little part of her soul. The more time they would spent together, _the more he would learn_. As they grew older, they would evolve into different people, finding new passions and varying opinions on new topics that they had never voiced before, just something new to learn. Anne leaned into his gentle touch, finding herself simply looking forward to discovering every little piece of his bright soul - knowing that he had all of the colors hidden within his heart. 

_"Oh!"_ Anne squealed, giggling suddenly as a heavy raindrop landed itself right into her nose, trickling down to her cupids bow.

Gilbert looked up at the storm, shrinking back slightly at the cold now that he did not have the warmth of her cheeks brushing against his. He sighed, tugging gently on her hands so that they could continue walking home. "I should get you home before we both get sick."

Anne's smile dimmed, a hopeful look appearing in her eyes as she spoke softly, "I once read a book about a husband and wife kissing in the rain. I-I didn't understand what a kiss really meant at the time but now...it's definitely sweeter than honey cake. I had longed for someone to kiss me like that for a long time..."

"Y-Yeah?" Gilbert smiled sweetly back at her.

She bit her lip, tightening her hold on his hands. "Can we just stay a few moments longer?"

"But it's rain-"

_"I don't care"_ she whispered, shaking her head gently so that their noses brushed together. _"...just for a moment",_ she didn't need to kiss him again because she feared that her heart would burst altogether, so instead she placed her face in the space between his shoulder and the curve of his neck. Gilbert shivered at the feeling, pulling her closer and wrapping his arms around her in return so that they could embrace in the downpour.

Gilbert couldn't help but tease her, "Want to be Elizabeth Bennett for a bit longer?"

_"Only if you're my Mr Darcy."_

There was something so new and exciting about her looking at him in such a way, like she didn't have to hide what she felt any longer. She felt like an entirely new person but at entirely the same. It felt like a breath of fresh air, like she was finally stepping into the sunlight after so many years of being trapped in the shade. And as Gilbert leaned in to kiss her once more, _it felt like coming home._

**~" till this moment I never knew myself"~**


End file.
